In this final episode about dating I’m talking to coach and trainer Peter Fallenius about the myths of seduction. Peter has an unusual take on seduction. He was dumped from a long term relationship and as he launched into the world of dating again he realised that all his old ideas about what works in dating and seduction was flawed. He spent time observing and researching what really makes people tick and he realised that the standard take on seduction is kinda messed up.
We covered rather a lot of ground! Here are the key points:
- Replace ‘dating’ with ‘meeting’
Peter spoke about meeting people without the expectations of certain things needing to happen in order to make it a ‘successful’ date. He approached his meetings with an open-ness about simply whether he could enjoy the time with the other person.
- All relationships are day-to-day, moment-to-moment
Approaching relationships with a fresh mind, without making promises (even to ourselves) that we can’t keep
- The illusion of needing to seduce
Seduction and ‘pick-up’ techniques are based on manipulation and deception and ultimately leads to more disconnection. They’re also based on a misconception that people need to be manipulated into wanting connection. People want to be seduced – and will be open the moment you offer them the genuine possibility of connection, opportunities and understanding.
- Let’s talk about sex (eek!)
Peter’s experiences from talking to lots of people about sex has shown him how our beliefs about sex underpin so much of what we think and do in all areas of our lives. If we can be open to seeing something new about our thoughts about sex then we may well discover things that will help us make sense of why we have the thoughts that we do about all kinds of other things. The book Peter mentioned is My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday.
- Opportunities come from uncertainty
Embrace uncertainty! Understand that great things often come from a place of not knowing what could happen.