In this final episode about dating I’m talking to coach and trainer Peter Fallenius about the myths of seduction.  Peter has an unusual take on seduction. He was dumped from a long term relationship and as he launched into the world of dating again he realised that all his old ideas about what works in dating and seduction was flawed. He spent time observing and researching what really makes people tick and he realised that the standard take on seduction is kinda messed up.

We covered rather a lot of ground! Here are the key points:

• Replace ‘dating’ with ‘meeting’
  Peter spoke about meeting people without the expectations of certain things needing to happen in order to make it a ‘successful’ date. He approached his meetings with an open-ness about simply whether he could enjoy the time with the other person.
• All relationships are day-to-day, moment-to-moment
  Approaching relationships with a fresh mind, without making promises (even to ourselves) that we can’t keep
• The illusion of needing to seduce
  Seduction and ‘pick-up’ techniques are based on manipulation and deception and ultimately leads to more disconnection. They’re also based on a misconception that people need to be manipulated into wanting connection. People want to be seduced – and will be open the moment you offer them the genuine possibility of connection, opportunities and understanding.
• Let’s talk about sex (eek!)
  Peter’s experiences from talking to lots of people about sex has shown him how our beliefs about sex underpin so much of what we think and do in all areas of our lives. If we can be open to seeing something new about our thoughts about sex then we may well discover things that will help us make sense of why we have the thoughts that we do about all kinds of other things. The book Peter mentioned is My Secret Garden by Nancy Friday.
• Opportunities come from uncertainty
  Embrace uncertainty! Understand that great things often come from a place of not knowing what could happen.

This is one of my fave episodes... I'm speaking to Sarah Abell about happiness in dating from a three principles perspective. Sarah's a speaker, author and coach. She was the Agony Aunt for the Daily Telegraph and she's a regular columnist for Psychologies magazine. Sarah's given two TEDx talks on authentic connections.

I quizzed Sarah on all kinds of facets around being single, dating and the three principles. If you listen to just ONE podcast about dating I reckon you'd be pleased you made this the one. She is blooming fabulous, she has heaps of experience in this area, talks such sense and so easy to listen to and understand.

Here are my fave bits:

• Sarah talked about how we only really connect with another person when we're showing up as our authentic self. If we have a whole load of thinking about how we should look and act to make the best impression then that's going to get in the way of that connection.
• Needy is creepy... If we're looking for someone else to complete us or to make us happy then we'll be bringing that energy to our connection with another person - it's not likely to lead to an happy relationship.
• Being a 'naked hedgehog' is when we let go of all our protective, defensive thoughts and open-heartedly allow others into our lives - which brings with it the risk of getting hurt, but is the only way we can truly be close to others.
• Meeting a potential partner becomes easier when we're happy in our own skin, enjoying life and become more open to meeting and connecting with people as a 'naked hedgehog' in general.

When we decided to focus on 'dating' this month I was delighted to get a chance to speak to coach and brand consultant Sandra Koenig about her amazing story of aiming to go from single to married in just eight weeks!

Sandra has an understanding of inborn happiness and the three principles of Mind, Thought & Consciousness that we talk about here on Born Happy and decided to take on this marriage challenge when she took part in one of Michael Neill's 'Creating the Impossible' mastermind groups.

Sandra dated up a storm in those weeks and in this episode she shares the incredible experiences and the learning she took from it. If you're starting to dip a toe in the world of dating, you'll find Sandra's words so helpful. These were my best bits:

• Sandra spoke about how she approached each date with a light heart and an open mind, and without a tonne of expectations about what would take place. That's such a wonderful way to approach anything in life as it helps to lowers the (perceived) stakes and allows us to see and create new opportunities.
• Sandra has a great understanding of innate happiness and wellbeing which meant that she didn't take any of the 'bad dates' personally and was able to bring compassion and honesty to some pretty cringy moments!
• Intuition and natural wisdom came up several times in our conversation - Sandra said she really listened to what her feelings were telling her rather than trying to over-think what she should do about each date. Sandra said let go of any concerns of what others might expect from you - whether that's sex on the first date or anything else - just be guided by what feels right for you.
• Sandra talked about how helpful it is to recognise that any 'thought storms' she had about dates all blew over. Thoughts all flow past - no thinking is fixed and permanent.

You'll have to listen to find out whether her challenge was successful! :)

I’m delighted to share this Happy Hour Conversation with Michael Neill on how we were all born with happiness as our default. Michael is an incredible world-renowned coach, a best-selling author and a Tedx speaker. He speaks about the three principles of Mind, Thought & Consciousness in such a beautifully clear, entertaining and genuine way. Many people credit Michael (and his book The Inside-Out Revolution) with how they first discovered their inborn happiness.

Michael was on his usual fabulous form in this conversation. There were loads of cool parts but these were my faves:

• There’s a ‘happy that’s the opposite of sad’ but there’s a different kind of happiness –  which is a space that can happiness exist, even when we’re having an experiencing of sadness. We can have all kinds of experiences but we can do it from a place of knowing that we still have that inborn happiness.
• This work of speaking about the three principles is reminding not teaching – because we were all born happy, deep-down we all know this.  When we hear people talking about that place of happiness, even when our intellect is struggling to make sense of it, we can often feel a sense of recognition in our body.
• When we’re struggling to see that we have inborn happiness – we often look for this in our minds, in our brain, even in our unhappiness – but it’s when we stop looking we catch a glimpse of what’s already there, inside us. When Michael talks of ‘staying the conversation’ he means stay where the conversation’s happening, keeping looking in this direction but stop searching for something specific – stay in the cupboard but stop looking for the peanut butter (you kinda have to listen to the episode for that to make sense)! 

Transformative Coach Eirik is a delight to listen to, whether you're looking for more creativity, success and happiness in business or not.

He's one of those super-cool, wise-beyond-his-years, open-hearted people and he talks about some really useful ways of looking at life via the lens of the three principles so that everything becomes so much happier, easier and more enjoyable.

In theory we were focusing on business but somehow we touched on sex, cakes and all kinds of stuff! Here were my best bits (warning: I giggle a lot in this episode!):

• Going beyond self-improvement - Trying to DO more and trying to THINK more doesn't help to make us any happier or more successful (and it's a tough job juggling everything to keep all of that in place) - simply recognising that all that doing and thinking doesn't work, can be a first step back towards seeing where happiness really exists.
• If you're stressed and overwhelmed but you don't understand how to make a change - Make a choice... are you willing to look towards this new way of seeing life that we're describing? If you are and you keep exploring this direction and you're open to something changing for you then at some point it will.
• Overcoming  the fear of failure - Eirik talked about how if we recognise there probably isn't an outside force judging us and recognise it's only our own thoughts creating an illusion of consequences, judgement and failure, we start to lower the stakes, reduce the pressure and feel able to play more freely.

If you’re looking for a way to create that Holy Grail of a successful business life with happiness, calm and simplicity then you’ll love hearing Nicola Bird’s take on how it’s possible!

These were my best bits:

• Nicola talking about seeking happiness in an adrenaline-junkie-seeking-success way, and then having hit her seven-figure goal in her business and ticking every box that she thought would be her dream life… realising she still didn’t feel happy.
• How Nicola has moved from being a control freak obsessed with goals, plans, process and programs to following her intuition and natural wisdom as to what to do next next in her business. This is bringing her so much joy and has transformed the way Nicola works with her team.
• When Nicola sees that her wellbeing has nothing to do with her success in business,  she sees her business as a game and she can play full-out and fearless. “Game on”!
• The internet marketing blueprints, formulas, how-tos and seven-step plans are created in all innocence based on people’s thoughts on what they think created their success. Nicola has realised that once we understand the three principles, our personal thinking settles down, we’re more able to hear our own wisdom and insights – and that’s the “gold dust”!

Lian Brook-Tyler interviews Timber Hawkeye, author of Buddhist Boot Camp and founder of the hugely popular movement of the same name, about inborn happiness, Buddhism and how it compares to the three principles. 

Dave Booda, a coach, teacher and musician and Lian Brook-Tyler talk about all things related to the  three principles of inborn happiness - including amazing relationships, creativity and the search for a meaningful life.

It's a tad rock 'n' roll in places with bits that you won't want little ears to hear - I recommend you watch this after their bedtime or wear earphones!

Enjoy!

Jamie Smart and Lian Brook-Tyler talk about the three principles behind our inborn happiness and clarity.

Jamie is an internationally renowned writer, speaker, coach and consultant. He shows individuals and organisations the unexpected keys to clarity; the ultimate leverage point for creating more time, better decisions and meaningful results.