The Primal Happiness Show

I'm speaking to international business consultant, Robin Charbit. Robin began his career as a chemical engineer with Exxon in 1981, and eventually led one of Exxon’s international plastics businesses. He joined Arthur D. Little in 1992 first in Europe and ultimately, in Boston, where he led and managed the North American Chemicals Practice.

With a colleague, he left the more classical consulting world and founded Insight Management Partners, to bring an understanding of how the mind works into business. He then met Ken Manning and they joined forces to create Insight Principles.

We're talking about the link between psychological wellbeing and business success.

In the sports world, professionals understand the massive link between psychological state and performance however in business, usually we just want to get the job done and in less time, we're not interested in psychological wellbeing.

Robin explains how understanding the mind works is exactly what helps us to get more done in less time.

What you'll learn from the show:

  • Our natural state is that state of effortless flow and creativity - it's NOT something we have to create. We pull ourselves out of a flow state primarily through misunderstanding - attributing the outside world to causing our feelings, instead of what's going on in our own mind.

  • Ideas are gold in business... and they become so much more common when we're in a state of balance.

  • The moment that we remember that we're the thinker - that it's thought creating our feelings - the mind is then more likely to serve up a useful idea that will help us out. The more that we see that's the design of the system, we can be open to letting it all work beautifully.

Direct download: Robin_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 7:54am EST

I'm speaking to Jason for our follow-up session how the heck self-leadership fits with the advice to 'love what is, surrender, let go and accept what is'. This is SUCH a powerful episode for anyone struggling to see how they can possibly accept a difficult situation in their life, it explains why 'loving what is' is the foundation for self-leadership.

What you'll learn from the show:

  • We can think that acceptance and loving what is, is succumbing, giving up, and saying "It's got nothing to do with me, I'm opting out!" but it's the opposite... Loving what is gives you the equanimity and the launch-pad to be a self-leader and choose to create the life you want.

  • So how the freaking hell do we love what is? As we become aware of the energy that it takes to struggle and resist something and recognise the freedom and empowerment that come from accepting it, loving what is becomes an easier and more natural choice.

  • Truly understanding something is the only way we can be in a position of making choice. When we understand the basic truths of something rather than giving it meaning. However we're human and that means we'll always bring our own filters and perspectives to situations. It's unlikely we can fully see things without personal attachment, but even being aware of that element of human nature can allow us to see more clearly.

  • Be gentle with yourself! Have fun, take things lightly, play with this stuff. :)
Direct download: Jason_G_part_2_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 9:33am EST

I’m speaking to international Speaker, trainer, coach AND former rapper (he opened for the Wu-Tang Clan!Jason Goldberg.

Jason is all about Art of (Self) Leadership… how to take ownership of your spirit, your energy and your life to take action, become more prosperous and have a bigger impact in the world!

We had a ball recording this and I think you’re going to love it.

What you’ll learn from the show:

How self-leadership is all about ARC…

  • Awareness: Recognising the situation and our part in it for what it is. Recognising that the trigger ‘out there’ and our feeling in here don’t have a direct connection, our feelings are created by our thoughts.

  • Responsibility: our ability to respond. Which means that no matter the circumstances, the triggers, the past and how we’ve always done things, once we have awareness we can respond in all kinds of ways.

  • Choice: Now we’re aware of what’s going on and recognise our ability to respond in many different ways, we get the opportunity to make a choice:  “What actions and behaviours will move me towards where I want to be?”

Direct download: Jason_G_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:35am EST

I'm speaking to coach and author Dr Amy Johnson. Amy helps people to bounce back from all kinds of different events in life.

Amy's new book is out in January and is all about habits, and rather excitingly... the no-will power approach to breaking any habit. So today we're diving deep into how to break a bad habit!

What you'll learn from the show:

  • We often try to make changes by focusing right in on the habit that we want to change... from there it can be hard to see anything fresh. When we can zoom out away from the habit, we can relax and see that we're actually healthy by nature, and the habit is simply a load of thought on top of it.

  • We can think a habit is a fixed and is who we are... but we have all have had times in the past when we've been happy, at peace and habit-free or at least moments where we're not acting out on the habit.

  • The past doesn't exist for us outside of our thinking about is so how can a habit exist, outside of thoughts in this moment? We start afresh in every single moment and we don't need to put a label on that.

Direct download: Amy_2_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 5:38am EST

Born Happy co-founder Jonathan Wilkinson is speaking to the wonderful Dave Elleray. Dave shares his surprising story of his transformation from being a deeply unhappy aggressive fearful man to an incredibly open and loving human being. And how he now travels the world to help others to change their lives too.

What you'll learn from the show:

Sometimes we can look at people who are so open and happy and think "Oh they’ve always been that way and it's just down to their genetics!" or we can think they must have had a beautiful upbringing and have an amazing family and group of friends. We can think "Happiness is for other people and not for me, I’m broken and doomed to be unhappy."

Dave's story shows how happiness can happen to the least likely of people. :)

Our ability to be open and happy is so often only limited by the self-created illusionary stories we tell ourself and the agreements we make that disconnect us from our true nature. Every single one of us was born happy and happiness is our natural state. That's just the design of the system.

In this modern world we are often sceptical about so many things, such as people we meet or stories we hear... but rarely are we sceptical about what we tell ourselves. I invite you to be sceptical of your stories and ask yourself: who would YOU be without your story?

Direct download: Dave_Interview_mixdown_Full_Final_01.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 1:34pm EST

I'm speaking to Rich Habets, a highly successful executive coach and business consultant.

What you missed last week:

It was an unmissable Fly On The Wall Coaching Session between transformative coach Piers Thurston and his new client, Rachel. Rachel wants relief from her noisy, worry and anxiety-filled mind. She’s tried everything, including self-help, meditation and counselling in the past. Listen to discover what Rachel found out about where all her worries were coming from.

If you missed that then you missed out so... subscribe to the show and catch up with that episode after this show!

And on this week's show...

He says that he used to be in business for all the wrong reasons. He was focused only on money and success and he was manipulative and he gossiped, just to get the business. And he ended up burning out.

Today he does the same work, consulting and coaching (and he's successful and makes money) but he does it for the right reasons, he does it from a place of service. And he's in a much happier place!

So today we're talking about 'conscious' business - or how to make money and be successful, consciously.

What you'll learn from the show:

  • The real difference between 'How to' vs 'Want to', and why this is vital to understand if you want to be successful.
  • Why some of your 'Want to's might not be a real Want to but just doing it, testing and learning is a great way to see that for yourself - Rich gave a great example of the surprising outcome when he gave a TedX talk.
  • The power of persistence - which is a natural outcome of your service-focused 'Want to's.

 

Direct download: Rich_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 12:28pm EST

What you missed last week:
It was a wonderful conversation with Molly Gordon about why a scary diagnosis doesn't have to be a scary diagnosis. If you missed that then you missed out so subscribe to the show and catch up with that episode after this show!

And on this week's show... I'm speaking to Reed Smith.Reed is the cofounder of Gulf Breeze Recovery, a non-12 step recovery center that uses the 3 Principles as the core of their program. He serves as the Director of Admissions and class facilitator.

Today we're going to be talking about the myth of complexity of recovery: why it doesn't have to be a life-long struggle and why addiction is not a disease... and why we ALL have access to mental health.

What you'll learn in this show:

  • Reed used a metaphor (and actual prop - see pic below!) of a mirror to demonstrate how we can have a denial of the 'isness' of the situation which is like trying to remove a blemish from our face by wiping a mirror. When we accept or allow the reality that's unfolding - that what we see is only a reflection of what's going on in our thoughts - we recognise that it makes no sense to look to try to fix or change the outside world to remedy how we're feeling.
    1-Screen Shot 2015-10-16 at 11.49.03
  • And in another of Reed's fabulous metaphors is around consciousness, and he used a flashlight to explain this (LOVE these props, I might start insisting all guests bring one!)The light is Consciousness, that which makes us aware of what's happening. When the flashlight is pointing above our heads at our thoughts, it's illuminating only our thoughts, which is what we're experiencing moment to moment, even though we're unaware that it's what's actually happening. When we have wonderful moments of connection with others or nature, it's like the flashlight that was only illuminating our thinking, moves to shine out to illuminate the world, and then our personal thinking grows dim and we become more aware of our connection to something bigger and greater than us.
    1-Screen Shot 2015-10-16 at 11.54.17
  • Reed's faves... The person that's most inspired Reed is also the author of the book that's most changed Reed, and it's James Allen, the author of 'As a man thinketh'.

 

Direct download: Reed_interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 8:48am EST

Why a scary diagnosis doesn't need to be scary... with Molly Gordon

So what happened on last week's show? It was a much-talked about show the wonderful Barb Patterson about true self versus self image. we got into an interesting conversation about personality tests and profiles. If you missed that then you missed out so subscribe to the show and catch up with that episode after this show!

And this week I'm talking to the magnificent Molly Gordon has been searching for the meaning of life for as long as she can remember.

Molly's been a professional coach for a couple of decades and has trained and practised in many disciplines including Byron Katie's The Work and Jungian psychology, She now coaches from a three principles understanding.

This summer, Molly was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent a mastectomy followed by radiation therapy. She is passionate about sharing with others how even modest insights into the Three Principles have enabled her to find grace and freedom in the midst of what many find to be a scary diagnosis.

 So today we're going to be talking about why a scary diagnosis doesn't have to be a scary diagnosis.

What you'll learn in this show:

  • However scary things feel, we're always sitting safely in the 'cinema seat' and simply watching the scary movie of our thoughts. I love Molly's description of that!
  • We will all be living this life, moment to moment, doing something until we die. We will all die of something. Does it matter what it is?  Isn't life really about how we live?
  • We don't have the ability to flick through a book of perspectives and pick the one that looks best... but every human being has the innate ability to have a perspective change. Our consciousness rises and then we will notice that more perspectives available to us.
Direct download: Molly_Gordon_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 6:06am EST

How to be your true self... with Barb Patterson

So what happened on last week's show? It was a goodie... it was with Don Deacy and it's was about the desire to feel better versus trusting that we already are OK. And seriously, subscribe to the show now and then you won't miss out again!

And this week I'm talking to the amazing Barb Patterson! Barb runs a coaching and consulting company bringing the insights of state of mind & performance to clients around the world.Barb has lived and worked in Europe and the US. She has over 20 years experience as both an internal executive and outside consultant for businesses, entrepreneurs, CEOs and top executives from all regions of the world. She also mentors other coaches and practitioners.

  Today we're going to be talking about true self vs the image of who we think we are:

Who could I be?

What could I do?

Could I do more?

How could I be better?

Am I living my life to my fullest potential?

What am I striving for anyway?

If you've asked yourself these questions then this is the show for you!

What you'll learn in this show:

  • We don't need to strive to be something because all we're doing is striving for an image of who we think we should be!
  • The made-up nature of our personalities means we're not our Myers Briggs types! All of that is just thought. Really we all have a freedom to think all kinds of things and therefore there's a wide open space of who we can be.
  • Who knows what true selves really are but what Barb has seen is that left alone, our true nature always appears and that means we always blossom.
Direct download: Barb_Patterson_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 2:42pm EST

How to feel better? It's all about unconditional trust... with Don Deacy

 

This week I'm speaking to Don Deacy. Don's a three principles coach and also a therapist with many years of experience in all kinds of healing modalities such Acupuncture, Chinese Herbal Medicine and Bowen Therapy.

After a lifetime of studying various martial arts at a superficial level Don started studying the martial art of Aikido in 1992 and teaching it in 1997. His passion for this martial art and his desire to understand 'chi', or as the Japanese call it 'ki', led to studying and qualifying in various healing modalities such as Acupuncture, Chinese Herbal Medicine and Bowen Therapy.

Initially practicing these therapies as a hobby they quickly became a passion alongside Aikido. In 2008, with the help of his wonderful wife, Don came to see that raising a family, teaching a martial art, running a part time therapy practice and working full time was just too much and something had to give way. So with the support of his wife and family Don took the decision to leave the world of paid employment and set up a full time practice as a therapist.

 Whilst working as a professional therapist Don came to clearly see the psychological dimension of illness. Feeling ill equipped to address this need he started searching for a solution. In 2011 Don was fortunate enough to come across Jamie Smart and was exposed to Three Principles understanding as uncovered by Sydney Banks. Jamie's wonderful work enabled Don to embrace this understanding and he began coaching using the Three Principles as part of his practice in 2012.

In 2013 Don completed the Three Principles Trainer’s Training (3PTT) programme run by Cathy Casey and Dr Mark Howard. As a result of Jamie's work, the excellent 3PTT and the many wonderful teachers he was exposed to over that period Don's professional direction has been profoundly changed. Coaching and teaching the Three Principles has become his primary activity and significantly influencing all the other aspects of his work.

Today we're going to be talking about the desire to feel better versus the unconditional trust that we already are perfectly OK, perfectly happy!

What you'll learn in this show:

Don and I chatted again after the show and he'd expanded further on some questions I asked during the show. And his answers actually make a great summary of some of the great things you'll learn during the show!

  • "What do I mean by grounding? Grounding is balance. An ease of movement and interaction with the world. From grounding comes the ability to flow, to extend our senses, to ride the waves, to take the knocks and keep our equilibrium."
  • "What do I mean by spiritual? Spiritual is beyond the world of form as we see it in the moment. A connection to a far greater wisdom than our personal intellect. From the spiritual comes possibility, new understanding, hope and wonder that guides us and teaches us.
  • "What do I mean by form? We can be conscious/aware of form but we can only be conscious of the the possibility within the formless. As soon as we try to be conscious of the formless we are in effect creating form.What comes to mind is a metaphor. The telescope. When we look through a telescope we see what we are looking at and that is in effect form. Now, there is much more out there than what we are looking at . What we see is what I would refer to as form. What we don't see is what I would refer to as formless. So it is possible to view form and formless as separate but that would be misleading. Form is born from the formless, as is enriched by it, like when we focus a telescope. Form is in effect our awareness which is an element of consciousness. Form is like truth in that it is time specific. The formless is infinite, it is the home of hope, of insight, of wonder, of possibility. The form is present and the home of the intellect. We can move a telescope and we can focus in and out but we must be aware that there is always more to see and what we are looking at we can always see differently.

    Form is the experience of life and the formless is the possibility of life. [mmmm, I love that! Lian]

    Form is our understanding in the moment, this is fixed and it has to be to allow us to navigate. As the saying goes, the map is not the territory, so the formless allows us to create new maps and indeed will demand that we do so. As a telescope on earth will allow us to see the universe in a certain way and depending on the location to varying degrees of clarity, the hubble telescope which is in space not only allows us to see the universe in much more detail is has demanded that we rethink everything we thought we knew about the universe!! So perhaps a shift in consciousness is like moving our telescope higher and higher into space. This must by its very nature change what we think we know about form."

Direct download: Don_Deacy_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 2:42pm EST

This week I’m speaking to Jeff Rader. Jeff doesn’t like to be described as a coach, teacher, mentor but is coming to terms with being called facilitator but mostly just likes to be known as Jeff!

Today we’re going to be talking about recovery from addiction. Or as Jeff said… alcohol wasn’t his problem, it was his solution to the pain created by his focus on himself and  his thoughts.

 

What you’ll learn in this show:

  • Jeff talked about people need to be in touch with a higher power in order to overcome addiction and stay alive. I say that all of us need something like that, although maybe we don’t need to think of it as God or even a higher power actually. It can simply be feeling that we’re in connection to all that is, has ever been and ever will be. When we understand that we get to see that we’re not so important or responsible for making everything happen. That lack of obsessive focus on ourselves is incredibly freeing.
  • I loved how Jeff talked about accepting and appreciating of the incredible miracle of it all. When we see how awesome the design of the world is, it makes a lot less sense to whinge and moan about the tiny parts of it that aren’t quite as we’d like.
  • We talked about the core of happiness, peace and wellbeing true for all of us, it’s only our thoughts that seem as though we don’t have this. This comes up over and over on this show and it’s no surprise because it’s such a life changer when we really see this for ourselves!
Direct download: Jeff_Rader_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 9:58am EST

 

This week I'm speaking to Phil Goddard. Phil says that whilst he could be described as a coach, but he said he could be more simply described as a Lover. :)

And it is this pure loving presence that he brings to his clients, groups, family and friends. He started coaching professionally in 2005 and transitioned from an incredibly successful career a leader in UK local and central government departments, and I.T corporations.

Swapping hard work for heart work, he brings the simplicity, power and clarity of love into many other lives and organisations, getting to the 'heart of the matter' through one-on-one coaching and coaching intensive retreats, whilst travelling around Europe and the USA. For the past decade, Phil's been evolving his work and the way he works with his clients and he's releasing more recently that it's super simple and really just comes down to love.

And today, we're talking about self-love - or how to get over yourself. :)

What you'll learn in this show:

  • Self-love isn't about treating yourself. As Phil says '...by all means have the dark Belgium chocolates, buy yourself red roses, treat yourself to a massage, get down to the gym and feast on spinach soup for lunch. Allow yourself some quiet time, say f**k it and book that holiday, have a sit down with a cup of tea, get a manicure and buy the not-from-concentrate juice.' but that isn't what self-love is. Self-love is purely about accepting yourself, as you are.
  • If you're negotiating with yourself "If I put myself through this Hell then I can reward myself afterwards." then that's not love. Reward to counterbalance judgement is not an act of love. Love doesn't involve judgement.
  • Notice the difference between how acceptance feels and how resistance feel. Can you feel that acceptance doesn't create tension?
Direct download: Phil_Goddard_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 12:33pm EST

How to go from unhappy to body-painted, half-naked happiness! ...with Jacob Sokol

This week, I'm talking to Jacob Sokol, a life coach who helps twenty to thirty year olds create a life with more happiness, more fulfilment, and getting paid to do what they love.  He helps people follow their hearts while bringing their heads. Through his company Sensophy, Jacob has brought together a community of over 12,000 soul-siblings while creating a multiple 6-figure coaching biz in under 3 years. When he’s not leading retreats in Bali or coaching at home in NYC, he’s either listening to hardcore hip-hop or cuddling with his two cats.

We started the conversation with me asking Jacob how come I'd seen a photo of him half naked and covered in body paint. :) Jacob rolls back a a few years and shares his story of discovering what it really means to be a happy and fulfilled human being.

What you'll learn in this show:

  • As children were often told "This is how it is. These are the rules. This is what's important." and then most of us keep on being told that as adults. There's something inside most of us that feels that what we're being told doesn't feel right or doesn't make sense (especially given most of the adults telling us the 'right' way to live seem miserable and unfulfilled!) but it's not clear what the alternative is, or even if there is one!
  • If we stay in a situation where we're around people who believe and keep confirming our stories about who we are, it can be seriously hard to see what's true and what is simply years of beliefs and conditioning. I loved Jacob's example of how he went on his trip and then began to realise that he wasn't his thoughts.
  • Nature's taking care of business, it's just about understanding how to listen. As Jacob described it 'the universe speaks universe', the more we get in touch with who we are before all the stories about ourselves, the more we're able to hear what's good for us.
Direct download: Jacob_Sokol_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 10:45am EST

How to feel love when you hate... with Bill Cumming

This week, I'm talking to Bill Cumming. Bill is a thirty-year coaching veteran and Director of The Boothby Institute. He has been a coach, consultant and trainer to CEOs and the executive teams of health care delivery organizations, businesses, school systems and non-profit organizations. He is a key partner in the New Horizons Academy.

Here, in his own words, is some of his story...

"I discovered the power of loving-kindness bass-ackwards as I was trying to understand where violence came from in our society. Upon the rape of one of my children, my immediate response was to want to kill. (This beautiful child, now forty, is well and is a continuing inspiration to me.) The irony of wanting to solve damage with damage hit me immediately. In my search for understanding, I met a man who’d been damaged in his youth. He admitted to me – in a maximum security prison in Somers, Connecticut – that he had killed and raped. He also, at the end of a very long day, told me he was sorry that my daughter had been raped.

I am the recipient of loving-kindness from a person who has done great damage and, regardless of any good I might have done, I am capable of great violence."

But the written word can't do justice to Bill, his story or the things he talks about in this episode so for once, I'm just going to say this...

Whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever's happened in your past and whatever is going on for you now, please listen to this, I think you'll be glad that you did. :-)

What you'll learn in this show:

  • For once I'm not going to try to summarise what you'll learn from this show, you'll feel whatever you're meant to feel. So I'll just leave you with my paraphrase of something that Bill said "You're either coming from loving kindness or 'other'... that's all there is."
Direct download: Bill_Cumming_Interview_mixdown_final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 1:33pm EST

How to flow when life is full of baby vomit and sleepless nights ...with Victoria Groom

 This week, I'm talking to Victoria Groom, the Flow Coach. Victoria he helps people to kick the control habit and to surrender to the flow of life.

Victoria successfully distracted herself from purposeful living for many years! She spent time in a publishing career and investment banking recruitment before 'finding' life coaching 8 years ago.

In April 2014, at the age of 41, Victoria had her first child, a daughter called Annie-Rose and amongst the usual challenges of new motherhood were breastfeeding problems, failure to thrive, tongue tie and food allergies. She feels very blessed in later motherhood, not least for the lessons in Flow it has brought!

She has been featured in Woman's Own and is currently writing a book called The Flow Paradox: How to Lose Control and Have it All, running The Flow Experiment and contributing to a forthcoming book on motherhood.

Today we're talking about falling into an effortless ebb and flow in pregnancy and new motherhood, which is often the time that it seems like the most impossible on earth (I know, I've been there!)

What you'll learn in this show:

  • As we recognise that everything is constantly moving and changing, it becomes easier to see that times of 'ebb', the times that life feels slower and less 'productive' or we need to rest more, life isn't passing us by, we're still in the flow of life.
  • We can notice the way life flows through all of us but in particular with our children, and instead of trying to fight, control, change or resist the way things are flowing, we can notice, experiment and move with it. That's a much easier and more enjoyable way to parent and to live!
  • As we get back in connection with ourselves and the world around us, we can fall back into the natural rhythms of our alignment with everything around us in all kinds of ways.
Direct download: Vitoria_Groom_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 9:14am EST

This week, I'm talking to Rasmus Carlsson, who is a transformative coach, trainer and group facilitator and becoming quite a regular on the Born Happy Show.

Rasmus says that we're often conditioned to think that love between people means certain things - often romantic or sexual. Today we're talking about how love shows up in change work. And what it means both in coaching and teaching relationships and also, more broadly in life.

 

And we laughed too. :D

What you'll learn in this show:

  • We can misinterpret the presence or connection (or we could call it 'love') that sometimes shows up in a relationship, we can believe it must be romantic or sexual, instead of a connection that's natural for every one of us.
  • Many of the uncomfortable and painful feelings we have as adults are because we've been conditioned to be so closed, but we were born with everything we need to have a fabulously happy and connected life, so as Yoda said "You must unlearn what you have learned."
  • Rasmus likened love to this great quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: "There is an art to flying, or rather a knack. It's knack lies in learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss. Clearly, it is this second part, the missing, that presents the difficulties." As Rasmus said love is about throwing yourself at it, let go and not being afraid of getting hurt - because it's actually impossible to be hurt. As Rasmus said: being hurt is just an idea.
Direct download: Rasmus_Carlsson_Love_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 9:29am EST

The super power of loving kindness... Katie Abbott

Katie Abbott is a therapist and coach, she's been running the Lewis Clinic in Harley Street for the last 8 years, runs retreats abroad and events in London. She's written for The Guardian, Observer, and Psychologies Magazine.

Katie is passionate about giving people the experience of being welcomed, accepted and loved. She enjoys exploring the space beyond words. In this episode we're talking about the super power of loving kindness.

What you'll learn in this show:

  • We are born with our hearts wide open and therefore we're able to connect beautifully to others. As we grow we're surrounded by people who are telling us, one way or another, that we need to close up to be safe. As we remember our true nature, we begin to open again and realise that this is actually much safer way to be (that's if we consider that having a full, rich, creative and loving experience of life is something worth having!)
  • We're all the same and we all have the same need for connection. It's easy to get caught up in the differences between us but they're just superficial. There's a place or an essence of us all that goes way beyond the psychological and physical, and that's something that connects us all.
  • We're often taught conditional love and therefore don't believe that we're worth being loved unconditionally but we all have the same loveability! We all have the potential to be touched by love and to live from love.
Direct download: Katie_Abbott_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 10:35am EST

The lazy way to massive success.. with Anthony Davis

This week I'm speaking to Anthony Davis, coach, writer and curious pioneer in the field of practical and productive simplicity. Anthony's background is in systems planning, ecology, and business coaching and over the years has seen the genius of simplicity and doing less. 

Today we're talking The Principle of Least Action and how it creates an amazing life. His projects include: simplifying business, simplifying projects, simplifying skiing, simplifying life. And all with taking the least amount of time and energy.  In essence, Anthony shares his secrets for success the lazy way. Oh and it ends with a real gem! :)

What you'll learn in this show:

  • Anthony believes that if something looks difficult then you're just not seeing it right. If we take the time to really understand what's going on then awesomely simple and easy opportunities will arise.
  • The genius of following natural tendencies - how something will play out if left alone or with little intervention - we allow the system to do the work for us - Anthony gives a great example of his dad's lawn on this one!
  • I'll let Anthony sum up the last gem in his own words...

    "Now a phobia is something where we get a reaction without the stimulus being present. For example, someone with a spider phobia feels uncomfortable experiencing the thought of spiders without them being present. And, we all know it’s not the spider creating the reaction, because there isn’t a spider present. So we don’t blame the spider or try to change it, because we know it’s not the spider that’s creating the feeling and experience. Well, it’s the same with all thoughts. We can blame people, food, work, money, relationships, events in our lives, backgrounds, or whatever as the cause of our feelings.  But that’s a phobic reaction. When you’re not at work, but feeling uncomfortable or worrying or stressing about work, like the spider, it can’t be the work that’s the cause, as it’s not present.That’s a phobic reaction. They’re all phobic reactions. And the cause? It’s never the spider or thing. Just our thinking in the moment that we’re experiencing.

    Oh, and happiness and feeling good. If you think that’s coming from someone or something (and not even present), then logically that has to a phobic reaction too.It can only work one way. It’s always an inside job"

Direct download: Anthony_Davis_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 12:50pm EST

How to stop searching for your sexy self!.. with David Andersson

This week I'm speaking to transformative coach and speaker David Andersson. David works with clients in a range of
situations from people in psychiatric wards to people who are feeling disillusioned with life or their relationship and want something more.

David and I are talking about how many people are looking for more connection, be confident, to be more attractive. They're searching for self-esteem, self-confidence, and actually just self.

So today we're exploring why that search for self isn't sexy... :)

What you'll learn in this show:

  • The search for confidence and attractiveness makes complete sense when we don't see that they're not 'out there' or something we need to develop. This search is understandable and very innocent when we misunderstand this,
  • It can sometimes appear that we then need to go on a whole 'nother search inside. That can lead to techniques, affirmations and mantras - to somehow find or access a space. When really, the only thing that's between us and that space is the thought-created illusion that we're not already there.
  • So how do we settle down, open up and let our natural awesomeness flow out? There's no way or need to do this. It's all about understanding. It's simply that the more we understand how we're born to connect with others beautifully, the more the stuff that gets in the way of that connection falls away. 
Direct download: David_Anderson_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 3:01pm EST


This week I'm speaking to the amazing Amir Karkouti! Amir suggested today that we talk about: F*CK THEORY: How The Principles helped my Marriage, Erectile Dysfunction and Patients Who Were On the Verge Of Suicide!

Amir is a Transformative Coach and the owner of a chain of restaurants in San Diego. Along with being a coach and a business owner, Amir also volunteers for people who are struggling with Post Finasteride Syndrome (PFS).

So in this episode Amir shares his story about how he took a prescription drug (Finasteride) for prostrate cancer prevention and which completely messed up his complete endocrine system, resulting in all kinds of physical issues including erectile dysfunction.  According to doctors, Amir was supposed to be a depressed suicidal... they couldn't figure out how he could possibly be happy in spite of what the drug had done to his body. He shares that 'how' with us.

Oh and the story has a really happy ending too... you'll have to listen to the show to find out. :)

What you'll learn in this show:

  • Something is only a problem when we think it's a problem. Circumstances are neutral but will look like a problem when our thinking is making it a problem.
  • When we understand that circumstances don't create happiness or unhappiness we become open to the fact that gifts are available in any circumstance, even the hardest, strangest ones!
  • As we understand that we only ever experiencing a thought created reality, that understanding in itself creates different thinking and a different experience - Amir gave some really powerful examples of this fact.
Direct download: Amir_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 2:32pm EST

What success really is (and why meaning matters!)... with Peter Fallenius

 This week I'm speaking with Peter Fallenius. Peter is an elite coach, entrepreneur, innovator and creator of Genius is simple. 

Peter asserts people rarely even stop to think about what success really is and then really don't have the first clue how to go about getting it. So in today's show we're going to be talking about what success really is (and why meaning is critical).

What you'll learn in this show:

  • Realise what creates meaning (from Deci and Ryan's self-determination theory):

1. To Learn, and Create, if not for survival.... (Competence)

2. To make Choices for survival in a changing world... (Autonomy)

3. To Connect, for company, but also because ability to form teams is crucial in a changing world... (Relatedness)

  • Notice the same things that create meaning also put people in a brilliant position for success.
  • Decide if you are going to leave meaning to chance.
  • If meaning matters, then do more of what creates it, less of what undermines it.
Direct download: Peter_Fellenius_Meaning_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 3:13pm EST

This week I'm speaking with Garret Kramer. Garret's the author of the books Stillpower and The Path of No Resistance and is the founder of Inner Sports which provides mental conditioning, consulting,
and crisis management services to hundreds of athletes, coaches, and business leaders. Garret's been featured lots of times on television and in papers like The NY Times and the Wall Street journal.

In this show we explore Garret's belief that deliberate mental techniques or strategies used to improve performance (or find peace of mind, happiness or any of those things) are ineffective.

What you'll learn in this show:

    • Why thinking yourself into flow just won't work. The more we try to fix, strategise or control our thinking - the more we get in the way of flow, happiness, and ease.
    • Why recognising the way thoughts create feelings is the 'benchmark'. Understanding this connection is what opens the door to making performance effortless.
    • We all work the same way. We all get caught in the illusion of our feelings coming from outside circumstances from time to time. And we don't need to do anything to fix that. Awareness itself has a powerful effect - we see that we don't need to correct anything on the outside, our thinking will continue to flow and therefore feelings will change naturally.
Direct download: Garret_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 8:27am EST

This week I'm speaking with the utterly wonderful coach and trainer Kate Barsby, who I'm also proud to say is a grad of Happy School. Four years ago, Kate lost her baby daughter Eliza, and that experience led to Kate having some profound realisations about the nature of love, life and what it means to be human. Kate has been so generous in sharing her experiences with us here.

A little warning from me: This a beautiful conversation, full of love, gratitude and hope but because of the topic that we're talking about, I don't think this is going to be a good time to listen to this if you're currently expecting a baby.

 

Direct download: Kate_Barsby_Interview_Final_02.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 7:45am EST

Why insomnia is all made up... with Jen Lucas

 This week I'm exploring insomnia with Jen Lucas.  Jen is a mental health educator, and she describes herself as recovering from many years of overactive seriousness! One of the ways that seriousness showed up in her life is dedicating years of her life to solving her insomnia. She now says 'insomnia is made up'! If you think that's a ridiculous statement then this is the show for you!

subscribe-with-itunes-button

In this episode you'll learn:

  • Just because something seems real, it doesn't mean it is real - we can make so many things seem like a big serious struggle and devote a lot of energy to them, but that doesn't mean that there's anything going on other than a belief that we have.
  • When Jen saw that she'd made up a story about sleep - she became a lot less interested in creating any stories about it at all - either good or bad. This is true in so many other areas of life. Can you see where, completely innocently, you've created a story?
  • Techniques can create even more issues - Jen and I talked after the show about the various approaches that she's been recommended for good sleep such as using the correct lighting or not using devices before bed. She said that none of them worked (and in fact I know people who have ended up creating OCD around their sleep techniques) because it isn't those things that create our body's ability to sleep. Our body is designed to sleep all on its own! Just like it's designed to do so many other things very naturally and easily!
Direct download: Jen_Lucas_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:07pm EST

How to choose a purposeful life... with Samuel Hershberger

This week I'm exploring purpose with Sam Hershberger. Sam is a life coach who works with entrepreneurs, coaches, and engineers and helps them create extraordinary lives.

Sam believes that living with purpose is a choice we can all make.

In this episode you'll learn:

  • Choosing the experiences which feed the mechanism - just like feeding your body with good food is more likely to create great health, Sam was speaking about feeding your mind with things that are more likely to trigger the kind of thoughts that will create a great, happy experience of life.
  • If you were going to die tomorrow, is this what you'd do today? When the thought of death scares us it's often because we're doing things that we don't want to be doing with our life. When we live each day and each experience in a way in a purposeful way then we're present with our own mortality. We're aware that each day could be our last and we're OK with that.
  • Using higher consciousness! When we notice we have clarity, it's a great time in which we can make the choices that will serve us in times of lower consciousness.
Direct download: Samuel_Hershberger_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 5:48am EST

The wonderful things that cancer showed me about life... with Bart Loos

This week we're exploring questions of life, death, pain, suffering and reality with someone who has seen more about these things than most.

Bart Loos shares his incredibly inspiring story of recovering from cancer and how that has shown him some very interesting things about the link between the mind and body and what that means for our experience of life.

In this episode you'll learn:

  • How we're all living within our own reality bubble - during the experience of being diagnosed, treated and recovering from cancer, Bart saw more and more clearly how that experience was being created by his own bubble of thought and the same was true for everyone around him.
  • What happens when give up control - the cancer forced Bart to give up the constant battle for control over life that he and most people are fighting. Once he let go of that battle, he noticed that his mind was filled with much less fearful thinking and that he could make decisions from a calmer, more settled down place.
  • We ALL have access to this place of calm and clarity - what Bart talks about is true for every human being, including you.
Direct download: Bart_Loos_interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 3:27pm EST

This week we're exploring a fascinating question that's relevant to all of us... what are we really capable of? What's the true potential of humans?

I'm exploring this with Ian Watson, who is an author, trainer and consultant. Ian's got soooo much experience in the field of  natural health and personal transformation. He's covered more ground in his quest to uncover the full potential of humans than most people would manage in several lifetimes!

We cover a lot of ground in this episode: why self-help techniques seem to stop working, how change really happens, what's going on with consciousness, happiness, the call to adventure and more. This is one of my favourite shows. :)

In this episode you'll learn:

  • We attribute positive change to a self-help technique and then think if we do more of that technique, we think we'll improve further (which is rarely the case). Alternatively we go on to look for a new technique and start the cycle again. Recognising the real cause of positive change - an internal shift in perspective - means that we're less likely to go around in circles with technique after technique.
  • Ian says that we continue to grow in consciousness over our lifetimes. We outgrow old ways of thinking, we start banging up against the edges of our beliefs and then we start to look for ways to create space for new ways of thinking.
  • We can fulfil potential when we respond to the call to adventure instead of retracting through fear (Ian quotes Joseph Campbell' 'The refusal of the call for adventure' here). The unknown isn't a scary place - it's the place where everything that we're looking for resides.
Direct download: Ian_Watson_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 8:01am EST

How to parent teens the happy way... with Jacquie Forde

This is the second show we've done with the fabulous social entrepreneur, coach and business woman Jacquie Forde. I knew she'd be amazing to speak to on the topic of parenting teens and older children and flipping heck... she didn't disappoint!

Jacquie is married with three daughters and here she shares how she was always searching for the answer to be the best parent she could be and then when her eldest daughter was 17, she discovered something that transformed her approach to parenting.

Jacquie shares some incredibly touching and inspiring stories of how their family has changed for the better over the last few years. Yes, there were tears for both us. :)

Here were my best bits:

  • Having an awareness of how thoughts and feelings really work has not just transformed how Jacquie parents her daughters but it's also given them far more resourcefulness and resilience.
  • Giving up the belief that we have to be right all the time as parents makes for a much easier, closer relationship with our children. 
  • Jacquie shared a story about one of her daughters learning from a bad experience with alcohol - given the love, trust and the space, our children will learn the lessons they need to learn for themselves.
Direct download: Jacquie_Forde_Parenting_Interview_Edited_version.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 7:43am EST

How to give children a super start in life... with Piers Thurston

Piers is a top personal and business and is a father to two children - in this episode we explored how his understanding of 'quality of mind' has affected his parenting and has helped him to give his children a great start in life.

Here were my fave bits:

  • Children are a great reminder to us of how we were born happy!

  • Even when we have an understanding of how our minds work, we'll still get caught up in thought from time to time. That's just human and the more lightly we take those times, the more fleeting they seem to be.
  • Preparing our children to live the game of life entails showing them that it is a game and our best chance of playing it happily, is to be open-hearted and open-minded.
Direct download: Piers_Thurston_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 1:57pm EST

How to home school the happy way... with Stuart Norman

Stuart Norman is a Transformative Coach and teacher of the 3 Principles understanding.  Stuart and his wife have been enjoying home schooling his daughter since last year so I thought he'd be a great person to speak to about how parenting can be a lot easier and more pleasurable than parents often believe is possible.

I loved Stuart's metaphor that life is more like a game of snap than the game of chess that we sometimes act like it is! This applies to life in general but has been particularly helpful for him and his wife in their approach to home schooling:

  • We're not in control - life will play out in its own way, and that goes for our children too.
  • We don't know what the future holds - understanding that means we worry less about how we can make our children conform to our view of what we'd like their future to be like.
  • Learning (and life in general) is meant to be fun! :)
Direct download: Stuart_Norman_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 10:43am EST

Life as a teenager with anxiety... with Sebastian Eck

 

subscribe-with-itunes-button

Sebastian Eck realised that he was struggling with anxiety in social situations and dating when he was in his teens. Sebastian has since found a natural calm and confidence and has gone on to run workshops for people who are homeless and has created online resources for people seeking peace of mind.

Sebastian and I spoke about all kinds of areas relating to anxiety and the causes of it. Here were my best bits:

Seeing through his story of anxious
Sebastian realised that his anxiety was purely a belief that he'd created and believed. He believed he didn't know how to make a connection with others. He now sees he already has everything he needs - he can naturally connect with others, we all can once we drop the beliefs that are in the way.

The struggle to become whole
Sebastian described doing lots of self-help and self improvement work. He created a mask which allowed him to go out and socialise and talk to women but it felt like a struggle. What he has seen since he's already complete and that we all already  have happiness inside us.

Realising that he's not running the show
Sebastian described the huge shift of realising that he isn't the one who needs to make things happen, life is just coming through him, there's a force that's playing out and making life happen, without him needing to be in control.

 

Direct download: Sebastian_Eck_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 1:35pm EST

Steve Light suffered with anxiety from a very young age and then discovered something that changed his experience of life for the better. Steve's passionate about helping others to free themselves from anxiety and other mental health issues and has founded self-help groups and creates online resources.

Steve was his usual beautifully honest self, here's were the key points:

Searching for the answer
Steve thought if he looked hard enough he would find the reason for his anxiety in his genetic make-up, his biochemistry or maybe his past. He didn't find the answer until he discovered that his anxiety was coming from his thoughts moment to moment.

The addiction to self-help
Steve tried lots of courses, including NLP and other selp-help techniques, to try to rid himself of anxiety. He found each of them gave a temporary improvement before he went back to feeling anxious again but that was enough for him to attend course after course in the hope something would help.

Beliefs vs understanding
Steve's finally let go of the beliefs he had about being 'an anxious person' when he began to understand the ever-present underlying calm and happiness beneath his thoughts.

 

Direct download: Steve_Light_Interview_mixdown_Final_02_01.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 3:00pm EST

The best parenting questions in the world... with Jack Pransky

 I'm delighted to share this conversation with the utterly wonderful Jack Pransky about a subject he is awesome on: parenting.

Dr. Jack Pransky is a Three Principles Author, Trainer and Practitioner: a Coach of Coaches and a Counselor of Counselors. Jack's worked in the field of prevention and community organizing since 1968. He wrote the fabulous parenting book "Parenting from the heart" which I highly recommend.

Jack talked about these questions to ask ourselves when we're speaking to our children:

  1. Am I feeling love in my heart in the moment?
    If I'm not, now is not the time to discipline.
  2. What is my child learning from what I'm doing?
    Is that really what I want my child to learn?
  3. How am I seeing my child in the moment?
    I am the one who is making up what my child is like in this moment - and I'll get more of what I see.
  4. Why is it important to me that my child does this thing I'm asking?
    Why would this be important to my child?
  5. Do I really know what's going on in the mind of my child that driving the behavior?
    How can I observe and listen to better understand?
Direct download: Jack_Pransky_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 2:31pm EST

How to treat anxiety... with Chris Morris

Chris is a well-known coach and a meditation teacher who suffered from anxiety from childhood and has spent years exploring a tonne of different self-help techniques and 'thought-based' approaches to understand how to treat anxiety.

Chris didn't shy away from being his usual naughty self. :) Chris said things which are a bit contentious but we wanted to give you a different view point to many of the guests we have on the show.

Chris doesn't solely work with his clients using a three principles approach, he uses other techniques and approaches (including A Course in Miracles, meditation, Byron Katie's The Work, and NLP) to treat anxiety in his clients. Techniques like this can work well in a one to one setting, when the coach has the level of understanding that Chris has.

These were the main points:

  • Our sense of self is built around the beliefs that we've decided define us
    We cut ourselves off from certain types of experiences, beliefs or types of thoughts - often without realising we're doing it. Sometimes we've experienced things in our past that have scared us so we shut down that part of us then we're only able to experience life from within the frame of thoughts that we haven't cut ourselves off from. If what we're left with is anxious thoughts then that will be our experience of life.
  • The actors that we cast
    We are entities made up from a collection of thoughts. We cast a character in a film but then we forget and let the character run the show, we forget that the one watching the character is us!
  • We can't see what we can't see
    We tend to have no clue about the underlying beliefs we have about ourselves and the world. We're only aware of the thoughts we're aware of - which sounds obvious but is something that we forget moment to moment. If we can find a way of holding up a mirror to ourselves, which could be through talking to a coach or a good friend, we get a glimpse of the beliefs that we have.
Direct download: Chris_Morris_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 8:15am EST

On this week's show I get to speak to the fabulous Jill Whalen. Jill is a professional conference speaker, trainer and writer, she's a retired website marketing consultant who underwent a huge transformation from being a bit of a coach potato with an allergy to vegetables to someone who is now into yoga, running, spirituality, and healthy eating! Jill now shares her experience of personal and business transformation with others.

Before Jill came across the three principles, she'd suffered with years of anxiety so I thought she'd be a super person to speak to see what's changed for her and how that change happened!

Jill was great! These were my best bits:

  • Anxiety is so often caused by not feeling good enough. That feeling often leads to all kinds of addictions too - basically ways of making us feel better about ourselves. It's so freeing when we see that it's only thought making us feel not good enough and we're actually always perfect inside
  • Just start to look inside and you'll realise that it's NOT the outside world creating your feelings! That can be difficult to begin with as the ego can have a tight hold on you but the more you notice that your feelings are coming from thought, the more layers of 'ego slime' drop away
  • Start noticing how made up all your labels are. Jill talked about realising that she'd made up all these beliefs about herself - that she couldn't sing in public or that she hated healthy foods - seeing the thought-created nature of her labels, was a big clue to the thought created nature of her experience.
Direct download: Jill_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 11:47pm EST

This is the second time that we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between certified transformative coach John El-Mokadem and his new client Kate who wants coaching around issues in her relationship.

Kate believed that past trauma had set her on the course for her current relationship issues but she discovered in this session that the past isn't always how it appears.

This episode was a wisdom-bomb-a-minute but here were my absolute faves!

  • Kate's big insight! "I realised that there was never anything wrong. I was always OK, I just thought I wasn't"
    This is a huge realisation that her past self wasn't broken and that means that the past can't dictate her life in the present or the choices she makes going forward. Yesssss!
  • How do we meet our partner's needs without subjugating our own  needs?
    John described how the more of his beliefs about needs have dropped away, the less he seems to need on the outside and the more he sees that his needs are already met on the inside. Life doesn't need to be a certain way for him to feel happy.
  • How do we get into a quiet space?
    John explained how the very act of noticing an icky feeling and realising where it comes from [thought], the more he seem to settle down and start to look into the direction that fresh thought and insight comes from.

  • How do we stop just drifting along in life?
    Kate's concern is that she needs agency - she needs control over her life and circumstances, John described how he's seen that his happiness doesn't come from illusory control, and his previous attempts at control were making him less happy. The destination that we're all working towards, it's all here in this moment.

  • What about dealing with real life issues like a shortage of money?
    The more we're coming from insecure thought (life has to be like x, I need to be like y, i need to earn z) all get in the way of allowing success and happiness to flow through us. Life is already being handled, we don't need to make it happen. The more we let go of insecure thought, the more ideas, answers and opportunities that we notice.

Direct download: John_El-Mokadem_2_Final_01.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:53am EST

Amazing relationships are natural

subscribe-with-itunes-button

I was thrilled to speak to the wonderful Rudi and Jenny about how it's so natural for us to have amazing relationships very naturally as we see the role of Thought in our relationships. Rudi and Judy are Three Principles Facilitators and film-makers who have been travelling the world, interviewing other facilitators, teachers and people who have had their lives transformed through understanding the principles.

They were as fabulous as ever, these were my best bits:

  • It can seem that we're a type of person, e.g. a jealous person or a person with a temper
    Jenny talks having a blind spot when it came to her jealousy - she could see that her feelings were coming from her thinking in every area except her jealousy. She described it as thinking she must just be a jealous person and that was fixed. Over time she began to see that her jealousy was just a thought too. That's the case with pretty much any trait you can think of.
  • The biggest relationship change is the one we have to our own thinking
    Jenny described how the biggest change in their relationship, has actually been the relationship that each of them have with their own thinking. Sometimes we can be wrapped up in thought and thinking it looks and feels real, and other times we see that our feeling are coming from thought. The more we see through the illusion of thought, the less worried we get about the content of our thinking and the more we see it's just thought.
  • We can't have a relationship without thought being included
    I loved Rudi's phone metaphor - just how we can't have a phone conversation without the intermediary of the phone, we can't have a relationship, conversation or any kind of interaction without the intermediary of our own thoughts. The more we recognise the intermediary of thought is always present, the less seriously we take the thoughts which are getting in the way with connecting with the other person.

  • What about when we have different goals or values to our partner?
    Jenny spoke beautifully about the conversations they'd had over the years about big decisions such as whether to have children. They've been able to have some very honest, open conversations from a neutral place which has allowed them to move forward through life without needing the other person to have the same opinion.

     

Direct download: Rudi_and_Jen_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 9:59am EST

This week we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between certified transformative coach John El-Mokadem and his new client Kate. Kate would like coaching around some issues in her relationship.

There were so many gems here about handling relationship issues, here were my favourites:

  • Does the past create our relationship problems in the present?
    Kate feels angry that she's made decisions in her relationship because of trauma in her past and maybe she would have chosen a different life, if it hadn't been for her past. John explained that the anger would make sense if it was being caused by Kate's circumstances and not by Kate's 'noisy thinking' about her circumstances.
  • That laundry list of things that need to happen before we'll feel OK
    We can believe there's a whole load of things that we need to happen in our relationship (or life in general) before we'll be OK. As we recognise that the laundry list is just more noisy thinking we see that we already have everything we need to be OK.
  • How do we cope with a noisy mind?
    We don't need to quieten our minds, ignore our thinking or try to change it, when we recognise that the noise is simply just thinking.
  • What about when we want different things?
    The more we see that our wellbeing always comes from inside, the more freedom we have to watch how life unfolds without getting so caught up in our thoughts about needing life to be a certain way so we can be happy.
Direct download: Kate_Smith_John_El_Mokadem_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 1:27pm EST

I'm talking to Sheela Masand and Mark Jones (aka Yoga Mark!) about what creates a happy relationship. Sheela's a business coach and Mark's founder of Ice cream For The Soul, a brilliant blog talk radio show about the three principles.

They've been together for 11 years, and they talk very honestly and openly here about how their relationship has transformed over the 5 years since they've discovered the principles. And how your relationship problems are not about the sponge in the sink - it's about your thoughts about the sponge in the sink. ;)

Here were my best bits:

  • We're all looking for connection - but misunderstand where it comes from
    Sheela talked about how the connection that creates a happy relationship is something that's very natural to us - once we understand the nature of thought and how it can create the illusion of disconnection
  • How our insecure thinking gets in the way of listening
    When we're caught up in thoughts of trying to fix an issue or come up with a solution for our partner - that's often behaviour driven from insecure thoughts. When we can let go of those thoughts and simply listen to our partner, we stand a far better chance of connecting to them.
  • Our feelings are our guide
    When we notice that we're feeling irritated or angry that it's simply pointing to our thoughts in that moment, and that means it's probably not a great idea to act on them!
Direct download: Sheela_Masand_Interview_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 1:34pm EST

What is anxiety?

Show notes:

I'm thrilled to be talking to Dicken Bettinger about: What is anxiety and is it possible to be freed from it?

Dicken is one of the few people who was taught directly by Sydney Banks, the man who discovered the principles. Dicken trained as a Pyschologist and for the almost 30 years, he has taught the three principles. He has helped many people to free themselves from anxiety and return to happiness.

Before understanding the principles, Dicken himself used to suffer from extreme anxiety and used to have a zillion techniques and meditated for hours a day to attempt to alleviate it.

All in all, there really isn't anyone on the planet that I can think of who is better placed to speak to about anxiety!

So... what is anxiety?

The dictionary definition of anxiety is: "A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome"

Dicken explained that almost every one of us experiences moments of anxiety - that's not a problem in itself, it's just being human and is a function of how our thoughts create our feelings of anxiety.

Dicken's answer to 'What is anxiety', in terms of anxiety being a problem in someone's life, is that it's when we misunderstand where our anxiety comes from - when we believe that our anxiety comes from outside events such as:

  • The situation we're in
  • Our problems
  • The people we're with

And then become anxious about the fact that at any moment something can happen to trigger the anxiety. We become anxious about our anxiety.

Dicken describes his past experience of anxiety like "I never knew when the world was going to make me feel bad." and feeling like life was akin to walking in a field of landmines, waiting for one to blow up.

We can believe the label of being an anxious person - someone who is, whether by nature or nurture, predisposed to anxiety - but Dicken has never seen this to be accurate for any of his clients.

Fundamentally, anxiety is simply an misunderstanding of why we feel anxiety - and then feeling anxious about the prospect of more anxiety.

Is it possible to be freed from anxiety?

Dicken talks about us not needing to work hard to look for freedom from anxiety when we see we already have what we're looking. Dicken described these steps that are helpful to understand this:

Step 1. Recognise that 100% of your experience is created by thought 

All of our feelings are being created by our thoughts  in that moment.

This is direct contrast to what we're taught - e.g. that stressors cause stress. It's also contrary to how things look - if you're in a room and feeling good but someone walks in the room and you feel anxious, it's a very convincing illusion that your anxiety is being caused by the other person.

When we see that our experience is coming from thought, it's the beginning of us letting go of the misunderstanding that's creating the anxiety problem.

Step. 2 Seeing that a new thought will free you from the anxiety created by the current thought

When we wake up to the nature of thought, we're open to a new thought flowing through - and thereby creating a completely different feeling.

This is the opposite to to what we tend to do - which is to focus MORE on the anxious thought that has created the anxious feeling. We try to identify it, fix it and change it - all the more we continue to think about - and therefore feel - anxiety.

When we wake up to what's really happening we focus more on our wellbeing than anxious thoughts.

Step. 3 Understanding that we all have potential for infinite wisdom and wellbeing

We're not limited to the boundaries of our physical brains, we all have a connection to infinite potential - more happiness, more love, more connection, more clarity, more creativity, more peace - when we look toward the non-conceptual space that's before our personal thinking.

Direct download: Dicken_Bettinger_interview_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 10:24am EST

Overcoming a fear of failure

This week we get to be a fly on the wall to a coaching session between transformative coach Rasmus Carlsson and his new client Anne around how to conquer her fear of failure. These three principles coaching sessions have proved to be hugely helpful both for the client and also listeners so I'm delighted to be able to share another of these gems!

Anne has a huge passion to create a business and with a non-profit element to help young people (particularly vulnerable children who are at risk) to discover their value and worth.

Anne feels held back by her fear of failure - she has concerns around leaving her steady job, not managing to maintain her family's current stability and lifestyle, and the risks and  responsibilities of this kind of venture.

What I loved most in this episode:

  • What ifs
    Anne talked her "What if...?"s - her big two are "What if I don't do a great job?" and also "What if I can't create an income?" These kind of 'What if' thoughts often prevent us from moving forward with life changes because we take these thoughts seriously, assuming they're keeping us safe - it can be so interesting and useful to pull those thoughts out into the light to enable us to see them afresh.
  • Where does fear of failure come from?
    Anne described how her fear came from giving energy to beliefs about herself. Rasmus and Anne explored how what's happening is much simpler than that - our feeling of fear comes purely from whatever we're thinking about in that moment.
  • Our feelings don't have to mean anything
    Our feelings are only telling us what our thoughts are doing. Emotion are simply our body's system for pointing us to the content of our thoughts - we find it easier to be aware of feelings than our thoughts. We don't need to act on feelings or take our thoughts seriously.
Direct download: Rasmus_Fly_on_the_wall_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 10:20am EST

This week I'm talking Louise Storey about the way she's managing to have that rare balance of taking care of her family as well as having a fulfilling life creating and doing things out in the world. Louise is a co-founder of the Clear mind Academy which helps carers within education, social and healthcare organisations.

Louise describes herself as a recovered stressaholic, she had a successful career in IT and then gave it up focus on her family and to care for her son Jack, who  has learning disabilities. Since discovering the three principles, Louise has a life of happiness, creativity and ease.

Louise made so many brilliant points, many of which I'm sure you'll relate to. These were my faves:

  • Working towards achieving happiness in the future
    Louise talks about something that seems so common these days: how she was postponing her happiness in the present moment so she could work towards achieving happiness and success in the future. She's since realised that the only place happiness can exist is right here and now.
  • Feelings are a symptom not a diagnosis
    When we are you feeling stressed, sad or angry - that's not a diagnosis that we're a stressed, sad or angry person... our feelings are simply a symptom of your thought in that moment. I LOVED that point so much that I posted about it on our Facebook page, where it seemed to resonate with many of you.
  • Pleasing everyone but not pleasing anyone
    Louise describes how her life used to entail running around, trying her best to please everyone in her life, to meet their expectations (and hers) of what a good parent, daughter, wife, friend and colleague should be like - but feeling she was failing, and damaging her own health in the process. Since discovering the three principles, Louise has settled down into feeling happy in her own skin and knowing that just being fully present with the people in her life is creating more pleasing relationships than she's ever experienced.
Direct download: Louise_Story_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 12:12pm EST

This week I'm talking to Innate Wellbeing Facilitator Mandy Spray on the subject of caring, learning disabilities and the three principles. Mandy's got a beautiful rock solid belief that every single one of us has innate mental wellbeing and happiness.

Mandy gave some gorgeous examples and made some excellent points, these were my faves:

  • Looking at someone isn't the same as connecting with someone
    Mandy talks about spending time with someone in a way where you can let go of your own preconceived ideas and beliefs so you can drop into the same space as the other person, 'be' with them, listen and connect.
  • Notice what's happening when we are connecting with someone
    We'll all have times when we do feel naturally present and connected with another person, when our thoughts settle and our minds are clear. Noticing that you have that as one of your possible states is a great step towards it appearing more!
  • We all have our own unique beauty and talents
    When we look for the potential, the unbroken-ness, wellbeing, and the gifts, we are sure to find them. Mandy gave some lovely examples of the opportunities that come from people being able to see this in others.
Direct download: Mandy_Spray_Interview_mixdown_Final.mp3
Category:Interview -- posted at: 9:07am EST

1